When he was born in the middle of the fiercest and coldest winter in history, five sheep gladly volunteered to have their coats sheared off of them so a huge wool blanket could be made to keep him warm. Cats fight over the privilege of inviting him to do his business in their litter boxes. Dogs have been trying in vain to bark his name because they can only bark the name Ralph. His used diapers have been labeled “biochemical weapons” by the US military that if they fall on the wrong hands there would be fatal consequences to the general world population. His poop comes out of him in butterfly shapes that people cannot wait to buy for a fortune. When he cries, his wails are compared to an opera singer singing Ave Maria beautifully. Women can be seen lined up to take a peek at the future Don Juan and they faint when they see him. He is such a charming baby that green traffic lights turn red when he looks at them with those gorgeous baby eyes. His tiny fart gases are saved up in little bottles to make perfume for other babies.
He is the world’s most interesting baby.
I don’t always breastfeed in public, but when I do I drink Dos Tetas.
Stay thirsty my friend